How well can you listen? How well can you hear the calls of the spirits, the commands and desires of the gods, and the whispers of the dead?
I’ve always had a good inner ear for it, but as much as I want to be good at taking orders, I’m not. I’ve always preferred to take command, even if quietly and subversively, playing the Trickster. Yes, I’ve flown in the directions the river has seemed to want to carry me, but I’ve always been the one to steer the boat, and dock it when I wanted to watch the sunset while I decided on my next course.
This is a very different experience. A baby steers the boat for you. My life has changed immensely since I became pregnant two months ago today. My significant other (whom I’ve never written of in this blog before) and I decided to get married the very day that we found out, a decision that will bind us for the rest of this lifetime, at least. I quit my job to become a full-time mother (and homeschooler, when the little one arrives) and part-time fantasy writer, a decision I couldn’t be happier about. And I’ve learned to do more than listen idly, but to act on what I hear. I am entirely obedient to the needs of my body and the small body growing within it, sleeping when I’m tired, eating when I’m hungry, drinking when I’m thirsty. I make offerings to the spirits the minute I feel the urge, whereas I used to wait for the most opportune moment for semi-elaborate rituals. I’m not so much living in the moment as I am living through listening.
Just as I have always been a conduit for Awen, so now is my body a conduit for this person to re-enter the world. It’s what I’ve always wanted.